What's Wrong With Love?

Today, I am going to talk to you about a topic I love: the issue of Love. That particular word love is probably the most used and most abused epithets that mankind has ever come up with. There is no word about which many poems have been written nor one about which more paintings have been displayed. Day in, day out, love songs are produced and movies about love are made. It’s simply fascinating. I could say we love love and I would not be far from the truth. Every heart craves it whether the mouth expresses it or not. In fact,Mother Theresa once said that “the hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.” I believe she was right. Absolutely right. 

Love has brought peace to many hearts and the same word, misunderstood and misapplied has broken many a life. So today, I want to challenge you by asking you the simple question. What is love? How do we define love? What’s up with all the ups and downs we have been experiencing especially in our time? Is true love a myth made to enchant the heart or is it a concrete reality we can all experience? 

I say Yes. Love is Love. Love hasn’t changed.  love is not the problem that stops us from experiencing the love we desire. The problem with love is that we haven’t taken pains to define love. Definitions are crucial for creating clarity but, often, when we talk about love with other people, we don’t mean the same thing. This limitation, however, is largely as a result of the language we use when we talk about love. We must understand that language is the framework within which thought operates. It’s the structure which helps us to form and express a thought. Thus, there’s a poverty of thought when one thinks within a language which lacks the power of clarity and expression on a subject. In the case of love, the English Language has a weakness.

Think about these statements: I love my wife, I love my car, I love my daughter, I love my cat and I love my football team, FC Barcelona. What is the common denominator in all of these? Love. But, does a man love a woman the same way he loves a car? Does a father love his daughter the same way he loves his pet? Absolutely not. Yet, in all these instances, I had to use the same word. Love

The ancient Greeks were much sensitive to language so they came up with four different words for love. They had Agape which signified the love of God. There was also Storge which indicated the love of a parent to a child. There was Phileo which suggested the love of a friend or brother. That is why Philadelphia, for instance, is called the City of Brotherly Love. Then there was Eros which implied erotic love. As a result, there was clarity and little room for confusion when people used the word love in a conversation. When believers spoke of God’s love, they said he has Agape for his people. A father would say I Storge my children. Siblings said they Phileo one another and a Greek suitor would use Eros to communicate that which what he felt for the one he was trying to woo. In Ancient Greek, therefore, it was difficult for people to hide behind one type of love whilst claiming the other. 

I can easily imagine that heartbreaks resulting from misrepresented love were few and far between because almost everyone understood it. In our time, the opposite is true. We have found more creative ways to say I Love You yet, love seems to be evasive. We seem to mean what we don't say and say what we don't mean when it comes to love. 

So, I urge you today, my dear friend, that henceforth, whenever someone tells you that he or she loves you, take a deep breath and ask the person to clarify. Is it Agape, Storge, Phileo or Eros? By seeking this simple clarification from the onset, you shall have the clearness of vision to work out the needed relationship and avoid the regrettable ambiguity that sometimes ruins relationships. That said, may you find the love that you desire and live clearly ever after.